The Phrases from A Father That Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."